


it's too cold outside for angels to fly

by lovingwriter



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, because I love happy endings, depressed!harry, done with the tagging now, enjoy, even if they don't always exist in real life, harry has a eating disorder, harry is insecure, hihihi, i'm stupid, insecure!harry, larry stylinson - Freeform, louis doesn't notice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-05 02:00:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1801276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingwriter/pseuds/lovingwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's like screaming but no one hears you. It's like running but no one chases you. It's like crying but no one won't wipe your tears. That's what loneliness feels like. And that's what Harry feels like.</p><p>or the one where Harry is depressed and Louis doesn't notice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's too cold outside for angels to fly

**Author's Note:**

> felt a bit angsty....... so i wrote this. Hope you like it!
> 
> Inspired of Ed Sheeran's song 'The A Team'.
> 
> My Tumblr account: http://larryistheoneforme.tumblr.com
> 
> Visit and follow (:

Harry doesn't quite know when it starts. When he starts feel so lonely. And why? He just doesn't know.

He has a lovely boyfriend (who comes to be in a same band than he so he shouldn't feel lonely). He has a mother, a stepfather and a sister. He has an amazing band. He doesn't have problem with money. He has everything alright. Except himself.

Maybe it's the time when they're sitting on tour bus and laughing and Harry's just so tired. He could sleep and sleep and still be tired.

"Harry, got a new bandana then?" Liam asks and all the boys chuckle then. Harry usually likes his bandanas: his hair doesn't get on his eyes and he thinks he looks pretty good with them.

"Yeah", he answers tiredly and yawns then. All the boys chuckle again.

"Louis got you a bit tired yesterday at the hotel, then? Did he tie you on the bed with that bandana?" Liam asks and then all the four boys bursts into laugh. Harry smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes like usually. Nobody doesn't notice this.

"Liam! Do you except me to touch him with that thing on his hair?" Louis laughs and they all shout 'ooooh!'.

"That was sick mate!" Niall laughs and slaps a high five with Louis.

"I'll go to sleep. A terrible headache", Harry says then and rips his bandana off. Louis' smile falters a bit when he looks after Harry.

"Do you need some medicine?" he asks and the boys whistles at that.

"Oh, what a caring boyfriend!"

Harry shakes his head a bit, smiling sadly at Louis who turns his head towards the boys and sticks his tongue out at them. When Louis doesn't turn around anymore, Harry sighs and goes to his own bunk. He wraps a blanket around him and lets the frustration tears slips out. He cries quietly, but he's sure the boys doesn't hear him through the laughing.--

\- - - - -

"Could you get me something to eat?" Louis asks and Harry nods. He walks on the fridge and grabs a waterbottle and a sandwich there. They're on London again, sleeping on the hotel at the moment. Harry gives the food to Louis who gives him a little smile and that's it. Usually Louis would give him a kiss, a hug or even a 'thank you'. But not in these days.

Harry frowns and he sits next to Louis, arms crossed.

"Oh, you see that model? He's so fit", Louis says, more to himself than Harry, but that stings in Harry's ears. _So that's what is all about._ _Louis thinks I'm fat._

Harry looks down on his stomach, and yeah. Maybe it's bulging a little bit. But that's not even fat. Or it is?

Harry feels tears burning on his eyes but he can't cry now. He can't show the weakness to Louis. It's not worth it to make Louis worry.

"Are you tired again? You're so quiet", Louis says but doesn't turn his gaze away of the TV. _Why do you ask if you aren't even interested?_

"Yeah", is Harry's answer but Louis doesn't say anything after that. So there's just a heavy silence between them.

Later that night, when they're about to go to sleep, Harry starts to kiss Louis' neck, who groans. Harry wraps his arms around his boyfriend, wanting some kind of love. Even just a little bit.

"Not today, okay? I'm really tired too", Louis says and pulls away from Harry. It's like slap on Harry's face. Louis has never, ever said no to him.

Louis sees Harry face fall, and he smiles sadly.

"Goodnight", Louis says, turns and closes his eyes.

Harry stares Louis back and when he finally hears Louis' deep breathing (which tells him he's asleep), he lets the tears come out.

 _I_ _'m not enough._

_He doesn't want me anymore._

_I doesn't turn him on anymore._

_I'm not what he needs._

_I'm alone._

_\- - - - -_

 It starts like that. Harry doesn't eat a breakfast. Then he doesn't eat lunch. One banana and one liter water. No dinner. One banana and one liter water. 

Harry starts to lose weight, first 11 pounds, then 15, then 24. And still Louis doesn't want him. 

There's 27 pounds less, then 31. Harry starts to look like a ghost now, his ribs are showing and he has black circles around his eyes. His eyes are more like gray than green. He looks much older than he is. He looks suffered.

The first time Louis actually starts to wonder Harry's condition is a few months later. Harry has been throwing up every now and then, and Louis is sure he's sick. It's just that Harry doesn't let Louis inside of the bathroom. 

"Harry let me in please", Louis pleaded about tenth time. He hears Harry's gagging and then throwing up again. 

"No! Everything is okay", Harry croaks out and all he throws up is water which he has drunk too much later. 

"Well it doesn't sound like that", Louis points out and knocks the door again. "Just let me in."

"No", Harry says and then he's throwing up again.  _Again._

"You're ridiculous", Louis says and Harry sniffs.  _Like I don't know that._

Louis takes his phone out of his pocket and dials Zayn's number. 

_"Hello?"_

"Zayn! Can you please come here?"

_"Umm, sure. Everything okay?"_

"It's Harry. He's been throwing up almost four hours but he doesn't let me in."

_"I'm coming with Niall."_

"Sure thing."

_"Bye."_

"Bye bye."

Twenty minutes later (and three more throws up for Harry) Zayn and Niall arrive. 

"So he's been there four hours and only throwing up?" Zayn asks in disbelief. 

"Yeah", Louis says and Niall gasps. 

"He might pass out, Lou! His body is- I-" Niall rambles out. 

"What?" Louis and Zayn says both at the same time. Niall is clearly panicking and they doesn't know why.

"Louis are you blind?! He's been starving himself! He's lost at least 35 fucking pounds and now he's throwing up everything that little what he's been eating!" Niall says and Louis paralyzes. 

_What? 35 pounds?_

Niall is running and he hits be bathroom door. 

"Harry! Please, please open the door. I won't let anyone else in, okay?" 

Louis looks in disbelief.  _Niall knew all the time and he didn't tell him?_

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?!" Louis shouts as he reaches Niall. 

"I promised him that I don't tell you."

"I'm his fucking boyrfriend!"

"Well where was his fucking boyfriend when he needed him? When he was lost but his fucking boyfriend was so fucking blind that he didn't notice him losing weight or being despressed?! Tell me!" 

The whole room silences as Louis and Zayn stares Niall. Niall has never been shouting so loud. Or has never been so angry. 

"He's fucking lost. Someone had to be there for him. Just... help me open the door. He might already been passed out", Niall says in a small voice, and both Zayn and Louis can tell that Niall is really really serious. 

"Please help me open the door. He's like little brother to me. Just... please." Niall's voice croaks at the end and Louis wants to cry. He's been so fucking stupid and blind. They get the door open when they all push it at the same time. The sight is something you never want to see.

Harry is lying on the floor, his face pale and lifeless. 

Niall is crying and he throws himself on the floor, next to Harry. Zayn is calling an ambulance. Louis is shocked. His Harry.  _His Harry. His Harry._

_His Harry._

\- - - - -

Louis is sitting next to Harry's bed at the hospital. Harry is asleep, he was put asleep right when he came in. Niall's words echoes on Louis head when they arrived. 

_"Harry Styles. 20-year-old."_

_"Been starving himself."_

_"Throwed up four hours before passed out."_

_"Four months. He's been doing this last four months."_

Louis wipes his tears away and takes Harry cold, big hand on his own. He kisses his knuckles and whispers: "I'm so sorry. I love you so much."

The door opens and the doctor comes in.

"Oh, you must me Mr. Tomlinson!" 

She looks young, not more than 35-year-old. She looks serious when she shakes her hand with Louis.

"Yeah. Louis Tomlinson", Louis anwers and the doctor nods.

"Mr. Styles's condition is stable now. He has a very serious dehydration because of the throwing up.  In addition he's underweight. He's been losing weight since February as your friend-" she looks the name on his papers. "-Mr. Horan told. Was there something which could have caused his condition?"

Louis looks Harry and then the doctor again. "I really don't know."

"Well, you don't have to. We're giving Mr. Styles hydration and when he wakes up he needs to eat. It can be hard for him to eat first, but all he needs is time and a loving boyfriend", she says and smiles to Louis. Louis smiles back and then looks Harry again.

"That he's going to get."

\- - - - -

Harry wakes the very next day Louis' hand on his. There's a lots of tears when Louis apologizes and tells Harry what happened. Harry shakes his head when Louis tells him that he needs to eat, and Louis tells him that he's underweight and he might die if he doesn't. Harry shrugs and then Louis tells him that he's even more beautiful when he has a tummy and Harry is smiling. Louis kisses him and even if he knows that there's a lots of more talking with Harry he doesn't concentrate to that now. 

Niall, Zayn and Liam comes to see Harry two days after the accident. Especially Niall is hugging Harry and crying against his shoulder. They're hugging a long time and then Zayn and Liam too. There's tears, laughing and Louis feels that the band is closer than ever. 

\- - - - -

"I'm absolutely not going to eat that!" Harry says loudly and pushes the plate away.

"Harry, love. Just five bites. Please?" Louis asks and pushes the sandwich towards Harry. Harry looks angry as he takes the sandwich on his hand. 

"I hate you for doing this for me", Harry says and Louis nods. "I know, love."

Harry takes one bite, chews it a long time and then swallows. He repeats it when he has finally took five bites.

"Oh my god. I just didn't eat that rubbish", he says and Louis hugs him. 

"You did. I'm so proud of you. You're so beautiful."

\- - - - -

Slowly but surely Harry starts to gain weight. In first three weeks he gains weight 12 pounds. Then 15 and then 19. 

It's very hard time to Harry, who still sees himself fat but Louis is supporting Harry and tells him he loves him always when he eats more and more. Then Harry's eating full meals, with white bread and all. And Louis is so proud of him. 

Louis and Harry has a loving sex life now. They both know that they love each others and they usually makes love when Harry mostly needs a reminder that he's beautiful and good. Louis shows him that he's beautiful just the way he is and after very intense orgasm Harry thanks Louis for being there for him.  _Finally._

 

 


End file.
